The Beacon: 2024 01/28

No matter how hard I try to protect myself from grief, it always finds a way to sneak into the tiniest cracks, stirring deep emotions. There's no armor strong enough to block out the impact of sounds, scents, or memories that transport me back to the days when Texa was alive. Reliving those moments and facing her absence feels like enduring an endless storm of agony.

The quick shifts between the past and present catch me off guard, leaving me with a distant gaze or a silent tear. Sometimes, the rush of memories triggers a flood of tears, making it impossible to focus on anything else for the rest of the day. The emotional rollercoaster is genuinely overwhelming.

What surprises me most about grief, in my own experience, is how it drains my energy and motivation unexpectedly. Despite my natural inclination to be productive, grief refuses to follow those norms. It unfolds at its own pace, often catching me off guard with its mysterious rhythm.

Even as I try to find healing in God's comforting promises, I know that the road to recovery is incomplete during our time on Earth. The pain of loss leaves a profound mark, a constant reminder of grief's lasting effects.

It's important not to mistake my outward strength for complete recovery. Fear and anxiety often linger beneath the surface, casting a shadow on the uncertain road ahead.

Every thread in the intricate tapestry of mourning tells a story of love and heartbreak woven into our lives. It's an ongoing journey marked by the ebb and flow of emotions, the tentative steps of healing, and the enduring hope that, with time, the pain of absence will be eased by the warmth of cherished memories. Until then, I navigated this complex landscape guided by faith and an eternal love that transcended the boundaries of time and death.


"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings, you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." - Psalm 91:4 NIV.

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