As the sun set unexpectedly, darkness enveloped everything around me, blending with the complexity of reality. It is a harsh reality to face, and what choice do we have but to surrender to the things we cannot change?
Sundays are bittersweet. On the one hand, I find solace in the company of those who believe this life is not all there is. But on the other hand, it is a constant reminder that for most people, it is just a belief and not a lifeline they cling to for their next breath, heartbeat, and step.
I am grateful that only a few parents must bury their children in our country. However, burying my daughter has erected an invisible wall between me and those who can quote, "All things work together for good" because they found a parking place. For me, I must wait until I reach heaven to see the ultimate good in my daughter's premature Death. It is easy to quote Romans 8:28 when everything is working in our favor, but when the reality of life hits us, it is not as simple as we make it out to be. Even Jesus, aware of his suffering and Death, had to negotiate with his father when things got tough.
Although I am assured that my daughter, Texa, is resting safely in the arms of Jesus, the ugly truth is that I want her back. I want my family restored. I long to see us as a family of three again, sitting around the kitchen table, sharing life and love. I want the old life where everything was smooth sailing, filled with smiles, play, love, and hugs. That is what every parent who has lost a child wants.
However, I hold on to the Lord's promise of redemption and restoration. In the meantime, I am walking through the valley, which is hard and lonely. God's word sheds light on my path but does not entirely dispel the darkness of grief and pain. The pain is real and vivid, staring me in the eyes like a monster ready to devour me. So, I walk in half-lit gray places, stumbling on, putting one foot in front of the other, clinging to His promises. I long for the sunshine of heaven.
Although it was a painful parting, we submit entirely to God's will, hoping for a glorious reunion in heaven someday. So, my beautiful Texa, rest in the arms of Jesus until the much-anticipated morning, where there shall be no mourning or tears. We love you, but God loves you most, and in this faith, we find peace in our troubled hearts.
As 1st Corinthians 15:55 (NLT) says, "O Death, where is your victory? O Death, where is your sting?" In Christ, Death has no hold on us, and we can look forward to a time when we will be reunited with our loved ones in the presence of the Lord.